How AI Can Improve Your Marriage

Can Artificial Intelligence actually help your marriage, or any relationship for that matter?

Will it listen to you? Will it make you feel heard? Can it offer advice that makes a difference?

The quick answer: absolutely yes.

Wendy and I had a disagreement. Nothing explosive, just one of those moments where we both had different takes on something. So, we decided to experiment. We invited ChatGPT to be our referee.

We weren’t just hoping for a quick fix, we wanted to see if we could genuinely recommend it. And we can.

We started by creating a project called “Tim & Wendy Counseling.” Here were the instructions we gave ChatGPT. Rather lengthy, but the better the instructions, the better outcome.

1. “Wendy and Tim want to share their personal perspectives about things that upset them—both in general and specifically about each other. Sometimes, the frustration may stem from something within themselves, and other times, it may be caused by something the other person is doing, or not doing, well.”

2. “Each of them may view the same situation differently. Wendy may see it one way, and Tim may see it another. That’s where ChatGPT steps in: as a neutral, honest, and objective counselor, helping us sort through what’s most likely true or real in each case.”

3. “Sometimes the issues are standalone. Other times, they’re connected—one action or behavior may affect another, like a domino effect. We want to share these perspectives separately but also allow for overlap where things interact.”

Here’s how the process worked:

1. One of us would type or dictate for example: “This is Tim:”

2. We shared the situation:, “What’s your opinion of this perspective?”

3. ChatGPT would respond objectively.

4. The other person would then respond to Chat’s input.

5. Chat would weigh in like a calm, wise counselor.

It was amazing. It was funny, Wendy even laughed and said, “Finally, I feel heard and understood!”

She especially loved it when ChatGPT sided with her and gave me a bit of a reprimand. I’ll admit, it was fair. It was objective. And it actually helped.

We added one more technique that worked surprisingly well.

As I was typing my side of the story, if Wendy didn’t like what I was saying, or just couldn’t wait her turn, I’d hand her the iPad. She’d type her response right there on the spot, before reading ChatGPT’s reply to my input.

So now she had the iPad, and she’d:

* Re-read my original statement

* Read Chat’s feedback to my statement

* Then fire off her (already-typed) rebuttal (or modify it)

It was kind of like a digital tennis match, but without the yelling. And it worked. We both felt heard. We both gained clarity. We both laughed.

So yes. we recommend ChatGPT as an objective counselor. It's not a replacement for a real person that can stop and ask questions, but it’s a tool that really helped us navigate a disagreement with more grace, more insight, and way less tension.

And as King Solomon wisely said:

“The person who tells one side of a story seems right, until someone else comes and asks questions.” (Proverbs 18:17 NCV)

That’s exactly what this helped us do, ask better questions, hear both sides, and move forward with understanding.

LORD, help us to serve. To listen. To minister to each other. And be willing to take things to an outside source. Help us to know that we need help from others as we climb our mountains. No mountain climber should climb alone. HOLY SPIRIT, please give us a desire to love, confess, repent and forgive. IJNIP amen ♥️