The Man - Is He Really Head Of The House?

Men, how well do you lead your family? And what does “lead the family” even mean? What does it look like in a healthy home—and what does it look like in a home that isn’t so healthy?

Today I read: “The head of every man is Christ, the head of a woman is the man, and the head of Christ is God.” (1 Corinthians 11:3 NCV)

The backstory is that Paul was writing to a Corinthian church struggling with all kinds of issues involving worship, relationships, freedom, authority, men and women. In chapter 11, Paul establishes an order: Christ is the head of the man, the man is the head of the woman, and God is the head of Christ. And the order matters.

Why?

Because before a man ever starts talking about being the “head” of anybody else, Paul tells him something first:

You have a Head. His name is Jesus.

A Christian man’s first responsibility isn’t getting his wife underneath his authority. It’s getting himself underneath Christ’s authority. That concept changes—or at least it should change—the attitude of every believing man toward leadership.

Said another way: How can a man demand submission while refusing to submit himself to Jesus? How can he talk about leadership while being selfish, angry, sexually immoral, irresponsible, dishonest, lazy, or spiritually indifferent? Jesus completely changes our definition of leadership because Jesus defines leadership through sacrifice and service. He said, “Whoever wants to become great among you must serve the rest of you like a servant.” (Matthew 20:26 NCV)

So if a husband says, “I’m the head,” Scripture essentially answers: Great. Then die to yourself. Love her. Protect her. Serve her. Listen to her. Sacrifice for her. Seek her good. Take responsibility. Point your home toward Christ.

Paul makes this incredibly clear in Ephesians: “Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself for it.” (Ephesians 5:25 NCV) Think about that standard. Jesus didn’t use His authority to get something from His bride. He used His authority to give Himself for His bride. That’s biblical leadership.

So how are we men doing?

Are you leading your family to read the Bible, talk about it, and discuss how it’s affecting you and your home? Are you praying with your wife and family? How are you intentionally leading your family toward God? Moses told God’s people to keep God’s commands in their hearts and “teach them to your children”—talking about them at home, while traveling, going to bed and getting up (Deuteronomy 6:6–7). Spiritual leadership isn’t just taking everybody to church Sunday morning. It’s making God part of ordinary life Monday through Saturday.

And here’s another part of leadership we men sometimes don’t like nearly as much: Do you confess when you’re wrong? Do you say, “I’m sorry”? Do you tell your wife and children, “I was wrong”? Do you share where you need to grow? Can you humble yourself enough to receive correction? James says, “Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so God can heal you.” (James 5:16 NCV) A strong man isn’t a man who can never admit he’s wrong. A strong Christian man is secure enough in Christ to admit when he is.

And before we turn this verse into an argument for male superiority, look again at what Paul says: “the head of Christ is God.” Jesus’ submission to the Father certainly doesn’t mean Jesus is worthless or inferior. Submission and inferiority are not the same thing. In fact, just a few verses later Paul brings the relationship back into balance: “In the Lord, however, woman is not independent of man, nor is man independent of woman.” (1 Corinthians 11:11 NCV)

Then jump over to Ephesians 5. Before Paul ever talks about wives and husbands, he says, “Yield to obey each other because you respect Christ.” (Ephesians 5:21 NCV) Then he tells husbands to love their wives as Christ loved the church. This isn’t a picture of a dictator and his subordinate. It’s a picture of two people honoring Christ, with a husband carrying the responsibility to lead by sacrificially loving his wife.

So, men, how’s your love life with your spouse these days? Not just sexually. How well are you loving her? Does she feel heard? Protected? Valued? Safe? Does she see Christ changing you? When there’s tension in your marriage, are you always waiting for her to change first, or are you willing to go first?

Before any of us ask, “Who’s supposed to submit to me?” maybe we should ask:

“Who am I submitting to?”

You can’t demand respect while refusing to follow Christ yourself. Biblical leadership starts with “Christ is my Head.” You can’t lead well if you refuse to be led.

Does the way I handle money look like Jesus is my Head? Does the way I speak to my wife look like Jesus is my Head? Does my sexuality look like Jesus is my Head? Does the way I handle anger look like Jesus is my Head? Does the way I make decisions look like Jesus is my Head? Does anybody watching my life actually see a man being led by Christ?

Men, maybe that’s where we start. Not by pointing at our wives and telling them what Scripture says they’re supposed to do. Start by looking in the mirror and asking whether we’re doing what Scripture tells us to do.

LORD, help us be humble and focus on ourselves first. Teach us to submit ourselves completely to Christ. Help us love our wives sacrificially, lead our families spiritually, admit when we’re wrong, serve instead of demand, and become men our families can safely follow because they see us following You. Then, LORD, we might actually be qualified to lead. IJNIP amen ♥️