When We Make Others Too Important

Why do we give people a place in our lives they were never meant to hold? We do it with parents, kids, spouses, friends, and coworkers. It’s called codependency, and most of us don’t even see it.

I know I didn’t. In my younger years, I was codependent and didn’t even know it. It cost me a marriage. I thought if the other person could just fill me up or make me happy, things would be fine. When they couldn’t, I blamed them and went looking for someone else. Too many live like that—hook up, shack up, and break up. It’s a bad cycle.

Here’s the truth. People cannot fill you up every day. Even the best person in your life will eventually disappoint you because they were never meant to be your source.

When I married Wendy, I even joked that our vows should have sounded more like, “I promise to sin, talk when I should stay quiet, stay quiet when I should talk, be lazy when I should work.” The list goes on. So why do we put perfection on others when we don’t even expect it of ourselves?

There is only one Person who can fulfill. It is Jesus Christ. Paul reminded the church in Philippi, “God began doing a good work in you, and I am sure he will continue it until it is finished when Jesus Christ comes again” (Philippians 1:6 NCV). Notice, it doesn’t say your spouse, your kids, or your friends will finish the work. Only Christ.

Jesus said, “I am the way, and the truth, and the life. The only way to the Father is through me” (John 14:6 NCV). He never said life comes through another person. He never said happiness or worth is found in a relationship. He said it’s found in Him.

King David put it this way: “The Lord is my shepherd; I have everything I need” (Psalm 23:1 NCV). God alone is the source.

So what does this mean for us? It means we enjoy people as gifts but we don’t lean on them as the source. It means we go to Christ every day for strength, identity, and joy. He gives us significance and makes us secure.

God may feel distant. Jesus and the Holy Spirit may not feel like real people you can actually talk to. But they are. They are present and personal. They are the only ones who can fill you completely. People are gifts, not the source. If we see them that way, we will love and serve freely instead of demanding they love and serve us perfectly.

Who in your life have you made too important? Do you feel secure in Christ, or are you hoping to get that security from someone else? Maybe today is the day to pause and give that place back to Christ. No one belongs on the throne of your life but Him. He started you, and He alone can finish you.

“He will protect you like a bird spreading its wings over its young. His truth will be like your shield and armor” (Psalm 91:4 NCV).

GOD, help me know you, know Jesus, and know the Holy Spirit so well that we talk regularly and about everything. Help me love others without expecting them to love me perfectly. Only you can do that. IJNIP ♥️