When Pain Becomes Your Teacher

What have you learned about yourself in moments when you had nowhere to run and no one to blame?

I think we all dislike these times of pain. QSome even hate it. But pain is a great teacher.

And you know what else is a great teacher? Being alone. If you don’t resort to your screen, TV, or some bad or lazy or addictive habit, being alone can allow feelings and thoughts that you and I should be wrestling with to actually soak in. Some of my best epiphanies arrive when I’m alone.

Mix the two together? That’s quite the learning environment.

This is the story of Jacob wrestling with a man. Jacob was alone and he walked away limping. But the backstory matters.

Long ago, Jacob and his mother deceived his father Isaac so Jacob would receive the family blessing instead of his older brother Esau. The name “Jacob” literally means “deceiver.” His identity was built on manipulation.

Esau was furious and wanted to kill him. So Jacob ran and stayed gone for decades. Now he’s about to face Esau again. Watch what Jacob does. He sends gifts ahead. He arranges his family strategically. He plans for worst case scenarios. Everything is calculated. Everything is controlled.

And then he does something completely out of character. He sends everyone across the river and stays behind. Alone.

Here’s what happened: “During the night Jacob rose and crossed the Jabbok River at the crossing, taking with him his two wives, his two slave girls, and his eleven sons. He sent his family and everything he had across the river. So Jacob was alone, and a man came and wrestled with him until the sun came up. When the man saw he could not defeat Jacob, he struck Jacob’s hip and put it out of joint. Then he said to Jacob, ‘Let me go. The sun is coming up.’ But Jacob said, ‘I will let you go if you will bless me.’” (Genesis 32:22-26 NCV)

For decades, Jacob survived by having the right people around him, the right strategies in place. This night strips all of that away. No wives. No children. No possessions. No plan B. That’s when the man showed up. The text calls him “a man” but later Jacob realizes it was God in some form. They wrestle all night. Literally rolling around in the dirt until dawn.

The text says the man “could not defeat Jacob.” Not because Jacob was stronger. But because Jacob refused to let go. Then the man touches Jacob’s hip and dislocates it with a single touch. Jacob’s physical strength is gone. But he still won’t let go.

“I will let you go if you will bless me.” (Genesis 32:26 NCV)

Think about what Jacob is saying here. He’s not asking for protection. He’s not bargaining for success. For the first time in his life, Jacob is simply clinging to God and asking God to bless him. Not because he earned it. But because he finally realized that’s where blessing actually comes from.

God gives him a new name. “Israel.” It means “he struggles with God.” Jacob walks away limping. But he walks away blessed. And changed.

Here’s what most people miss. That limp wasn’t punishment. It was proof. Proof that something real happened that night. Every step he took for the rest of his life reminded him that God met him in his darkest moment and transformed him.

You and I carry limps too. Maybe it’s a scar from abuse. Maybe it’s the memory of a massive failure. Maybe it’s grief that never fully lifts. But here’s the thing about limps. They slow you down enough to remember where you’ve been and who brought you through it. They keep you humble. They keep you dependent.

Jacob couldn’t earn the blessing through his schemes. He couldn’t win it through strength. He received it because he refused to let go of God. That’s grace. And that’s how God works. He never, I mean never stops loving and pursuing you and I.

James says it this way: “My brothers and sisters, be happy when you have many kinds of trouble. You know that these troubles test your faith, and this will give you patience.” (James 1:2-3 NCV)

And then there is Jesus. Jesus also got alone. In the garden, He wrestled with the Father over what was coming. Torture. Nails. A cross for sins He did not commit. He prayed, “Father, if you are willing, take this cup of suffering away from me. But do what you want, not what I want.” (Luke 22:42 NCV)

But Jesus walked away willing to do it God’s way. He surrendered. He endured the cross. And through His pain, we received forgiveness, healing, and life. Now, we can have this same kind of miracle in our life if we would just wrestle with a confession, the change and seeking forgiveness - and help. Just ask - just receive what God is offering.

Most of us run and isolate when we do wrong or hit bottom. Instead, if we would wrestle and approach God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit, and really work through our pain, we would walk away new. Yes, you’ll always have the scar or limp. But it’s not a wound. It’s a reminder. A good reminder.

We have to get alone with God. We have to wrestle through the darkness, confess, desire to change, and seek forgiveness and help. The goal isn’t to win the wrestling match. It’s to tell God what’s wrong and ask for help. That’s surrender.

And when you and I surrender, we change. We improve. We grow. And most importantly we heal. Then we’re whole and able to help others who aren’t.

Here’s what this looks like practically: Get alone without your phone for 20 minutes this week. Just you and God. Tell Him what hurts. Tell Him what you did wrong. Ask Him to bless you anyway. Stop running from the pain and start wrestling with it in prayer. Don’t let go until you sense His presence.

Identify your limp. Mine? Being forgiven for adultery and being in remission from Leukemia. You and I now need to ask God to show you how He’s using it to keep us dependent on Him instead of our old strategies.

When you’re tempted to numb the pain with endless scrolling, or some bad habit or addiction - stop. Sit in it for five minutes and talk to God about it instead. This is how you change your thinking. And if you can change how you think - your heart will follow. If you heart follows, so will your life.

LORD, help us just be honest and bring our bad stuff to You. You are the healer. Jesus, thank You for saving my soul, offering healing, and You did more than wrestle. You died for my sins. Thank You a thousand times. IJNIP amen ♥️