What are the four basic steps of giving counsel to someone? If you were to Google the topic, you might see some variation of 1) Developing relationship; 2) Assessing the problem 3) Counsel or treatment goals; 4) Designing a Plan 5) Follow-up.
I think these are good steps. Have you ever provided counsel to someone? Have you ever received therapy or a second opinion concerning your challenge?
First, counsel is very wise. Some people feel if they receive counsel, they must be weak, so they push back. However if we view therapy and counsel as advice, guidance, ideas, second opinions, etc., it simply makes sense. King Solomon said “Without good direction, people lose their way; the more wise counsel you follow, the better your chances.” (Proverbs 11:14 MSG)
It’s just wise to never make a decision until you have all the facts. Solomon also said “The mind of a person with understanding gets knowledge; the wise person listens to learn more.” (Proverbs 18:15 NCV)
The basics of Christian counseling are “Love, Know, Speak, Do.” These are taught by Paul David Tripp in his course “Changing Hearts, Changing Lives”. I love the name of the course because until a person changes their heart first, their life will not. Behavior change is short lived without a true heart change. So what do these four steps mean? They are similar to the secular steps I mentioned previously, yet I believe better. Let me explain.
First, if you can’t love the unlovely, you have no business counseling them. So loving others as much as yourself is critical as a counselor. Loving others cannot be bias or judgmental. This includes “all parties”. The offended and the offender.
Second, you must “know” all the facts. The more the better. The past, present and future details and goals of the one you are counseling. When Wendy and I gather the facts from two parties, they rarely match. Somewhere the truth is there, however you must get to know about all of the details prior to offering advice. Solomon once said “The person who tells one side of a story seems right, until someone else comes and asks questions.” (Proverbs 18:17 NCV)
Third, the counselor must “speak” biblical truth into the situation. It must be impartial. You can’t choose sides. A good counselor only represents God’s truth and wisdom. To offer advice prior to loving others, and knowing the details is premature.
Last, you must offer alternatives and action steps and provide the counseled something “to do”. Knowing God’s word, but not acting on it is not repentance and true change and growth will not occur. The Apostle James said “Do what God’s teaching says; when you only listen and do nothing, you are fooling yourselves.” (James 1:22 NCV) He also said “Anyone who knows the right thing to do, but does not do it, is sinning.” (James 4:17 NCV)
The bottom line is that God’s commands,, Jesus’s teachings and all the great lessons in the Bible are there for our own good. They simply work and make life better. They grow love, the commands help to extend mercy, grace and forgiveness. And I suppose the biggest benefit is they unshackle us from the things that drag us down. God’s word and our implementing it in our life allows us to finally become free and are no longer enslaved.
No one likes enslavement. We all want to be truly free.
So whether you are the counselor or needing counsel, the better you understand the process, the better you can submit to it or provide it, depending on your situation.
Mountain climbers don’t climb alone. They tackle the big mountains by tying up with others. If someone slips, the others can help and you get to the summit. Don’t fight things alone. The wolves look for the isolated one to kill. So does Satan and his demons. He wants you to isolate. God desires you to be with good counsel in the good company of believing Christians.
LORD, help us to be humble and confess what we need help with. Help us to be have the ears and eyes to see those who need help. Please give us the wisdom and the love to help one another and seek help when we need it. Help us to love others as ourself. Help us to slow down and gather all the facts and take in all the particulars. And help us to speak your words to others with a helpful and loving heart. And allow us to hold each other accountable and help each other do the things that honor you and show love to others. IJNIP amen ♥️
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