The Forgiver - Are You A Forgiving Person - Are You Whole Enough To Forgive

How do you forgive someone who absolutely did you wrong? I didn’t say trust them. I’m asking, how do you forgive them?

THE CHARACTERISTICS OF THE FORGIVER

The one who forgives is the one who is “full” of love, patience, mercy, and grace. We throw those words around pretty easily, but when you’re the one who has been hurt, betrayed, lied to, rejected, or mistreated, those characteristics don’t come quite so easily—right?

WHAT THE FORGIVE SHOULD LOOK LIKE

This morning I read something God said through Isaiah about people who had been rebellious and sinful:

“I have seen what they have done, but I will heal them. I will guide them and comfort them and those who felt sad for them. They will all praise me.” (Isaiah 57:18 NCV)

Think about that: “I have seen what they have done, but I will heal them.”

God wasn’t ignoring their sin. The verses before this say God was angry because of their sinful greed and rebellion. They kept going their own way. Yet God says, I’ve seen it—but I will heal them.

Why? Because that’s who God is. God is love, so He guides and comforts them. God is merciful, so He sees what they’ve done but still offers healing. God’s forgiveness doesn’t mean their sin didn’t matter. It means His mercy was greater than their failure when they turned back toward Him.

Maybe there’s something here for us.

FORGIVENESS VS TRUST

Forgiveness and trust are not exactly the same thing. But be careful that you don’t use “they have to earn my trust” as another way of making them pay. If the person you’re forgiving is genuinely repenting, reconciling, restoring, changing, and growing, maybe forgiveness also means beginning to extend some trust. Maybe you give them an opportunity to demonstrate that they really are changing.

That doesn’t mean being foolish. It doesn’t mean ignoring patterns or removing healthy boundaries. But forgiveness shouldn’t leave us standing over someone in judgment saying, “I’ll decide when you’ve suffered enough for what you did to me.”

That’s not really forgiveness. That’s punishment. Just marinate on that.

THE HEALED FORGIVER

But there’s another side to forgiveness we don’t talk about enough: the condition of the forgiver.

It’s incredibly difficult to pour out mercy when your own heart is empty. If you’re consumed with anger, bitterness, resentment, judgment, and the desire to make someone pay, forgiveness will feel almost impossible. That doesn’t mean you have to be perfectly healed before you begin forgiving. Sometimes forgiveness is actually part of how God heals you.

Maybe before asking, “Do they deserve my forgiveness?” we should ask, “What’s happening inside of me?”

CONCLUSION

Am I becoming whole? Am I allowing God to heal me? Is my heart becoming more loving, patient, merciful, and gracious? Or am I holding onto their failure because somehow I still want them to pay?

God saw exactly what they had done, and He still said, “I will heal them. I will guide them and comfort them.”

See what I mean? The forgiver has to evaluate his own heart and mind too.

There’s not much freedom like forgiveness. And there’s nothing much better than watching two people who have been hurt, broken, and separated find their way back to a genuinely restored relationship.

LORD, help us love and forgive like You. Heal our hearts, remove our judgment and resentment, and help us extend to others the mercy and grace You have extended to us. IJNIP amen ♥️