Boundaries - Are We Abusing The Term And Using It As An Excuse

Who have you set up boundaries with? Are those boundaries really necessary?

IS IT A BOUNDARY OR AN EXCUSE

I mean, is that person truly dangerous, abusive, manipulative, or capable of causing you real harm? Or is it possible you’ve established boundaries for other reasons? Maybe reasons that aren’t entirely justified?

We hear a lot about boundaries these days. And don’t misunderstand me, some boundaries are absolutely necessary. There are people whose behavior is destructive, abusive, or dangerous. Protecting yourself and others from real harm is wise.

WHAT MAY BE HAPPENING

But, let’s be honest for a moment. I wonder if we’ve started using the word boundaries to justify avoiding difficult conversations, withholding forgiveness, punishing people who’ve hurt us, or simply keeping someone at a distance because we don’t like how they make us feel.

This morning I read something interesting in Jeremiah:

“Surely you are afraid of me,” says the LORD. “You should shake with fear in my presence. I am the one who made the beaches to be a border for the sea, a border the water can never go past. The waves may pound the beach, but they can’t win over it. They may roar, but they cannot go beyond it.” (Jeremiah 5:22 NCV)

BTW - I asked Chat to give me an image of the earth without seas - it truly shows another side of God’s creation.

Now, here’s a little backstory. God was speaking through Jeremiah to the people of Judah, who had become rebellious, stubborn, and spiritually blind. God pointed to something extraordinary—the ocean. Think about how powerful the sea is, the waves, the storms, and the tremendous amount of water. Yet God established an order in creation that governs it.

In the original Hebrew, the word for boundary is gevul, meaning a limit or border. God also uses choq olam, referring to an enduring decree. But here’s what’s important: God wasn’t primarily teaching about personal boundaries. He was teaching about His authority and the people’s refusal to respect Him.

In the very next verse, God says, “But these people are stubborn and have turned against me. They have turned aside and gone away.” (Jeremiah 5:23 NCV)

THE MAIN LESSON

I think this is the main lesson: The natural world demonstrates God’s authority, yet the very people He created were refusing to listen to Him.

So what does that have to do with the boundaries we establish in our relationships? Probably more than we realize.

God gives us commands about how we’re supposed to treat one another. We’re told to love, forgive, be patient, show mercy, extend grace, seek peace, and pursue reconciliation when possible. We’re also told to be wise, confront wrongdoing, and protect those who are vulnerable.

WHAT’S REALITY WITH YOU

But here’s my question: Are our boundaries helping us obey God, or are we sometimes using them to avoid doing what God commands? Are you and I like the people of Judah - they know, but they’re pushing the boundaries.

Have you established a boundary because someone is genuinely harming you? Or because they disappointed you, confronted you, disagreed with you, or hurt your feelings?

Are you protecting yourself, or are you punishing someone? Are you seeking a healthier relationship, or simply avoiding the hard work of restoring one?

And here’s another question. What if that person has acknowledged their wrongdoing, confessed it, repented, and is genuinely working to change? Are you willing to recognize that change? Or have your boundaries become permanent walls that no amount of repentance can penetrate?

WHAT SHOULD WE DO

Forgiveness doesn’t automatically restore trust. And reconciliation isn’t always possible or safe. But neither should we confuse unforgiveness, resentment, or a desire to control someone with healthy boundaries.

Jesus told us to forgive, as we have been forgiven by God. He told us to love even our enemies. He also taught us to confront wrongdoing and pursue reconciliation. None of those commands requires us to tolerate ongoing abuse.

But here’s what I want you and I to think about. A boundary can be wise and necessary, but calling something a boundary doesn’t automatically make it right. Our motives matter.

God’s people in Jeremiah had stopped respecting His authority. They were following their own desires, and feelings, rather than His commands.

I think a lot of us do the same thing, even while using language that sounds healthy and reasonable?

GOING FORWARD

Maybe the question isn’t simply, “What boundaries do I need with this person?” Maybe we should also ask, “God, what are You asking me to do in this relationship?

Am I protecting myself from genuine harm, or protecting myself from the humility, forgiveness, and love You’re calling me to show?”

LORD, help me establish boundaries when they’re truly necessary, but don’t let me use them as an excuse to avoid loving, forgiving, or reconciling with others. Examine my motives. Give me wisdom to recognize genuine danger, humility to acknowledge my own wrongdoing, and grace to recognize when someone is truly changing. Help me respect Your authority above my own feelings and desires. If the natural order of things follow your boundries, help me follow them too. IJNIP amen ♥️